The Color, Green
Reading time: 6 minutes
Themes: Growth, introspection
Zach and I spent this past weekend together—quite spontaneously. As with our previous weekend, only a week ago, it’s beautifully curious to reflect on how different I am now; a version of myself that was so lacking in community and close-hearted fellow believers. The progressions that the Holy Spirit is leading me through are profoundly visible, most notably because they are happening at a supernatural pace. Seven months ago today, Conner and I were over a week into our New Zealand trip, which means a couple of other things were also true: I was working one of the longest, most ill-paced, yet deeply fun and rewarding weeks of my life on the Feature crew.
In just a week’s time, my life focus had undergone another molting. I didn’t feel called to shed the pre-New Zealand version of myself because it was irritating to me, but rather because, despite the comfort and confidence innate within him, there was also a romantic attraction to the pursuit of growth. Growth does not beget comfort, nor is the contrary true. Life before New Zealand encompassed a freshly completed journey; I had leveled up and found myself in the liminal space between the cycle’s end and beginning.
“Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That’s my gift to the conquerors! Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches.”
Christ uttered these words for a multitude of purposes, but first and foremost to encourage persecuted Christians. The book of Revelation, as a whole, serves to reveal the cosmic battle between good and evil taking place in the most seemingly mundane parts of our lives and provides a roadmap through such warfare. Revelation elucidates the often confusing vision of our futures and points us to hope in Yahweh’s sovereignty; to His curious children, the Father asks us to remove our sandals. Our compliance initiates us into a new Call. Ever since Yahweh placed the desire to heal the division between His children in my heart more than a year ago, I have been well-immersed in His new Call on my walk.
Yahweh’s call to adventure asked me to “Initiate a ‘Live Session.’”
I refused the call by continuing to pursue films throughout the summer—beautiful films.
What initially felt like a tragic accident later revealed itself as the greatest supernatural aid.
I crossed the first threshold by hosting the first Live Session last December.
I flailed amid the belly of the Feature Crew and significant debt.
The road of trials involved ill-paced work shifts and the deterioration of Conner and my relationship.
The goddess, from across the sea, pointed me towards the prospect of financial relief at a less expensive time cost.
Comfort, the persistent temptress, attempts to rise again as an idol—not because of my direct pursuit, but more cleverly, because I became accustomed to our time together.
Yet again, my heart puts security and discipleship into battle. Atonement begins to reveal itself as a necessity.
It is utterly clear that I presently stand between mistaking the gift of comfort for the Giver and the atonement necessary as a result. The subsequent stages, before I am permitted a balance between the ordinary and extraordinary worlds, entail a reconciliation; not only between my earthly father and me but between my heart and God as a result of an idolatrous hierarchy. Following these atonements:
An apotheosis, the highest point of development as it relates to inner peace, must be achieved.
Following the highest point, knowledge and wisdom from Yahweh are given in an ultimate boon.
Resistance forms around the notion of returning to the ordinary world, often due to fear, contentment, or a desire to remain in the new world.
The return is often fraught with challenges or dangers and sometimes requires the rescue of the acquired boon.
The threshold is eventually crossed along with the boon.
A balance between the ordinary and extraordinary is achieved as a master of two worlds.
Having completed the journey, freedom is experienced in the stillness that knows neither death nor failure, accompanied by a sense of purpose or understanding.
This weekend has begged the question, in the midst of the rest and clarity He has provided: How am I going to amend my journey and continue pursuing this call? Yesterday, while Zach, Pancho, and I were returning to my truck from Agnes Lake, he asked me three seemingly benign, but deeply prophetic questions: “In a handful of words, what are the attributes of your favorite color, animal, and component of nature?”
The color green chimed in swiftly and confidently: “I admire green because it is peaceful, curious, confident, fertile, and wild.” It was later revealed to me that this reflects how I view myself.
Choosing an animal forced serious reflection—none emerged as a sole champion. Wolves, bears, moose, hawks—how could it possibly be narrowed down to one? The question then became, what attributes do all those animals have? This provided slightly more insight: They embody freedom—unencumbered by any external circumstances and easily able to traverse where and when they desire. They are strong, and their influence is revered. It was later revealed to me that this reflects how I view my ideal partner.
Less challenging than the animal, but still more ambiguous than the color, was the component of nature. Again, which of the many poignant and admired teachers of nature has Yahweh made the deepest impression on my heart with? I settled on the forest. Its diversity of roles and offerings appealed to me. Wild, abundant life is on grand display along its surfaces and even more so in its depths—holding the entirety of the system together. The forest is a steadfast monument and a nurturing abode. It is a sanctuary for my heart, capable of dissolving the externalities of the world if I let it. It was later revealed to me that this reflects how I view God.
Yahweh, my heavenly and perfect Father, has revealed His character within me through a bout of reflection. What was needed in the midst of this painful season of transition along my journey was to be reminded of His character and how it has permeated my heart. I have already undergone the journey of submitting idols to Him so that I may be restored once and for all in His image. He is repurposing previous journeys’ boons in aid of my new Call: to rescue His children from the depths of isolation and despair.
Through this lens, the path forward, once marred by the blinding of bitterness, becomes illuminated: embodying the light of Christ, I press forward. I forgive faster, love deeper, and give more away. The enemy will continue to blow on the flame, but before long, the flame will be a bonfire, unable to be quenched. My life is an altar, and the fire is falling.
