introduction

It is officially week five of traveling through Central and South America, and even though I have only been abroad for a little over a month now, it feels like an eternity. October has been a pivotal month in my life. As such, I decided to commemorate it by remarking on the critical moments and the lessons I have learned over the past thirty days, which I refer to as 'Insights.' As I began recounting the central moments that have stood out, I was surprised at how many there are, though, to be clear, they have been pivotal not because they are easy but because they have forced rapid change upon me. Change is uncomfortable, which means growth is; we must change to grow. I've already undergone an irreversible change within myself, and I hope that authenticity in how I present these Insights helps someone in whatever form it's needed.

28 - 30 Sep

The first destination on my trip was Playa del Coco, Costa Rica. Although it's becoming a trendy destination, I didn't intend to go there first or, really, at all. Several months before this trip, I began paying attention the more it came up repeatedly in random conversations and other strange synchronicities. Fear was the theme of my mental landscape in the weeks leading up to my departure date. By my first day in Costa Rica, it hadn't gone away but instead intensified. I journaled that I "wanted to go home" and that being emersed in a tribe so different than my own caused me to feel fearful. I had built up a notion of what Costa Rica was before I'd ever been there, and it needed to meet my expectation. It was cloudy and rainy for most of the week. I felt little other than fear and a need for constant vigilance as I navigated a novel world alone and very much in fight-or-flight. I spent two days almost exclusively at my Airbnb other than venturing out for groceries.

The SIM card situation was more complicated than I was used to, but I eventually got it figured out with the help of a local Tico named Ivan - my first realization that sometimes I'm going to need to ask for help, and that's okay. I decided to rent a car for a few days when I realized how vast the country was. Having a vehicle released me from the claustrophobic and isolated feeling I'd been experiencing. I began to explore nearby beaches such as Del Coco Beach and Playa Dantita, as well as some random ‘miradors’ from AllTrails in the area, which started to breathe more life into my trip and reminded me of why I was there in the first place. An incredibly euphoric memory stands out in my mind of the drive back from the newly discovered Playa Dantita with the windows down and shirt off. Salty skin and reggae music blaring as I sped around windy beach roads. I felt freer than I had in a long time. I was beginning to lean in and adjust to the new way of life, and it felt great.

30 Sep - 02 Oct

I continued to lean into things that made me fearful and question why it was they made me feel so in the first place. I repeated a well-known mantra: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Each time I would do something that scared me, I would walk away, embarrassed that I'd been so fearful. I continued to develop confidence in myself and my ability to navigate uncomfortable situations easily. I met my first set of new friends, Shely, James, and Scarlett, in Tamarindo, and we had some incredibly cool conversations. God reminded me through my first conversation with Shely just how powerful it is to travel and discover that humans are humans. There are fascinating cultural differences and yet inherent threads that are universal. I remarked in my journal that I felt like "a student of the universe." My time in Tamarindo was also the first time that one of my fears manifested, and I emerged from it with the realization that it was much less intense in reality than I had imagined it in my head. I grew from the experience and walked away more competent and still upright in my positive attitude and student-like mentality.

Encroaching my first week abroad, I had already adjusted remarkably quickly. God provided me with more connections and new business connections. I began to feel a sense of community even though I was completely withdrawn from everything I'd ever known. Having emerged from the fight-or-flight nervous system through yoga, exercise, and ice baths, I felt good physically and slept remarkably well. I realized it would be challenging to maintain my consistent exercise routine from home. Instead, I decided to submit to the new experiences and seize as many spontaneous opportunities as possible. I reconnected with my vision and reason for being abroad, which I had inadvertently forgotten during the chaos of adjustment. I devoted more time to capturing content and creating, which ignited a passion I had never felt so strongly about. Omens were everywhere, and I began to feel like I was living out the plot of The Alchemist. Everything felt like it was conspiring to help me pursue my dreams, just as the protagonist experiences.

02 - 05 Oct

More of the same as the previous days, but better. More friends, connections, beautiful experiences, and insane natural beauty. I learned what it feels like to be tased (voluntarily) after a few glasses of wine from my friend Kylah - maybe not my brightest moment, but a memory that will stand out for sure. Oh, and my first 'Tico Breakfast' will positively change my concept of breakfast forever. I overcame more fears by driving several hours across the country at night to hang with Kylah in Nosara, which bolstered my confidence in my ability to navigate new environments gracefully and wisely. I felt a consistent presence in nature because of the novelty of the environment and a lack of goals other than pure exploration. I saw my first wild monkeys and discovered the insane majesty of Guanacaste sunsets. I was reminded of the importance of being generous even as a budgeted traveler, and generosity was unexpectedly reciprocated. I felt sad by the time it was time to move on from Guanacaste but felt gratitude for the experience of being present in every moment since they were fleeting.

05 - 10 Oct

The more comfortable I became, the more I began to ask myself whether I could live abroad for an extended period, even though to do so, my lifestyle would have to undergo a massive shift. Costa Rica was the first place outside of Colorado with which I'd begun to fall in love. Queue the dismantling of my identity before my very eyes. I was able to find some weed during my time in Quepos, which made the whole process of picking apart and blowing up my identity easier. I was forced to adapt to inconveniences like regularly losing power and water pressure for hours or a random mudslide outside of Jaco that caused a traffic jam that lasted half the day - the only route to meet my CouchSurfing hosts in San Ramon. I was forced to live more in the moment and not be consumed and distracted by creature comforts so profoundly. If there was no WiFi to distract me in my free time, I would instead learn more about my camera, read, or write sincerely in my journal. I continued to seek out experiences that I knew had the potential for discomfort and unpleasantness because I realized that the alternative of complacency was far worse. Even when things wouldn't go as planned, I would adapt and continue growing.

10 - 18 Oct

I eventually made it to San Ramon, where I met my hosts, Josué and Carlos, who were local to Alajuela. We had a lot in common and shared lots of laughs over wine and weed. I discovered the best coffee I'd ever had at a farm-to-table restaurant we visited named Lecanto, and since then, I've developed somewhat of an addiction. I genuinely look forward to the mornings solely because of coffee, and I will be shipping a healthy supply home. I crashed my drone into a hundred-foot tree in La Fortuna and watched fear number two reveal itself and, just like fear number one, evaporate before my eyes - not as big of a deal as I'd anticipated. I could disconnect from it as a material thing and still thoroughly enjoy my day. I cut my losses and opted to learn from the experience. Josué, Carlos, and I explored Parque Nacional Volcán Poás - ticking yet another item off the bucket list. Basking in the presence of the profound terrestrial power held by an active volcano was truly special. The same day they showed me La Paz Waterfall Gardens Nature Park and Hacienda Alsacia Starbucks Coffee Farm. I will forever cherish the time spent in San Ramon with my friends and the perspective I gained from our conversations.

18 - 25 Oct

On my last day in Costa Rica, I met a Tica named Estephania in San Jose, and she gave me a personal tour of Volcán Irazu. We ate at an excellent local restaurant nestled high up in the clouds and had some great conversations on the 5-mile walk down to the bus station. By this point, I was an expert in not taking things for granted, which allowed me to flow in and out of situations with deep peace and gratitude. Before arriving in Santiago, I had a quick stopover for a few days in Lima, where it was easier to find familiar foods and products. Back to being on guard in a new place and re-overcoming fears of novelty. Luckily, I was more equipped and had more tools to move through it quickly. I struggled with the SIM card again but eventually problem-solved and figured it out. I got my street-art-fix satiated and saw my first South American beach at Playa Barranco. I soaked in the massive cultural differences but remained fascinated by how many similarities there are. I continued to push myself out of my comfort zone and was consistently rewarded with new and unique things, including the first and best ceviche I've ever had (also in Barranco). I wrestled with the temptation to revert to old patterns and mechanisms in tense moments but overcame them. I found it almost effortless to maintain a positive attitude as long as I remained honest and authentic and kept in contact with those I loved. After a few days in Valparaíso with my friend Chris, we were off to Antofagasta and eventually San Pedro de Atacama.

25 - 28 Oct

The highlight of South America thus far has been discovering the Atacama Desert, but it’s not without its challenges. The desert of Chile was the first place I visited which I would describe as rural and largely underdeveloped. Despite the lack of supplies and overt poverty, it has one of the strongest vibes I've ever felt in a physical place. It feels like the Earth is alive here, which is counterintuitive considering it's deserted. The Atacama is a beautiful concert of massive mountains and volcanoes that dwarf fourteeners, wild flamingos and vicuñas, salt ponds, sunsets, good climbing, and the consistent feeling you are on another planet, especially when you drive at night. The stars are the craziest I've ever seen, and seeing the Magellanic Clouds genuinely blew my mind. I feel like a child seeing the world for the first time here. It feels like Colorado's distant brother, and I suppose some of it feels like home. There is little to no WiFi, and cellphone reception is incredibly spotty. Initially, this was frustrating because I couldn't work, but I've begun to ask what God is trying to teach me through the discomfort and when I do so, it becomes more apparent. Relax, trust, and release control of everything I think I need until nothing is left but to submit. Things will continue to work out as they always do.

I've learned far more than I anticipated I could in only thirty days, but if I could distill my experience thus far into a single word, it would be submission. I've placed myself, intentionally, in situations that have forced me to reckon with how insanely little control I have. Instead of focusing effort on control, I've chosen to relinquish it and relax - concentrating my effort on how to best adapt to new and uncomfortable experiences. God has shown me how useless things I felt I needed (namely material things and creature comforts) are. Instead, my actual needs have been provided for in abundance. Every time I begin to worry or feel anxious about something, I immediately give it to God, and in return, I am provided for in ways I couldn't have achieved through my agency alone. Admittedly, it now feels silly when I think back on the level of fear and anxiety I experienced early into my trip, but in reality, I am thankful for it. I'm grateful because now I've learned that anxiety points me precisely in the direction of where to submit and how much I will grow if I do so.

Thank you for reading and much love.

South America, Month I